Quantum Theory & Self-Reflection

 Listen to a Taster on Quantum Theory  with Gavin & Thanissara

Born of attention are all things.
The Buddha

The doctrine that the world is made up of objects whose existence is independent of human consciousness turns out to be in conflict with quantum mechanics and with facts established by experiment. Bernard d’Espagnat

The atoms or elementary particles themselves are not real; they form a world of potentialities or possibilities rather than one of things or facts. Werner Heisenberg

Click Here for: Info for Retreats below Sept 16-19 & Sept 30-Oct 4

Sometimes we need to shift set; to take a quantum leap from the daily grind and a world seemingly falling apart. At Dharmagiri, we are set to enter the world of Quantum Theory, designed to collapse the regular mind! Seriously, this leading edge science is so extraordinary that even the most revered quantum theorists say things like, “Anyone not shocked by quantum mechanics has not yet understood it.” (Niels Bohr.)

Yet…. it tweaks a whoa wow feeling, indicating that a quantum leap is not from but into’ deep reality. A long forgotten dream whispering like distant temple bells heard while walking along a winter beach calling attention to something….. important. (Poetry, it seems, is a language of the infinite. “We must be clear that when it comes to atoms, language can be used only as in poetry. The poet, too, is not nearly so concerned with describing facts as with creating images and establishing mental connections.” Niels Bohr.) We recognize something, even as we struggle to cognitively place its truths or compute its implications. We recognize the resonance of QT pointing to the primacy of consciousness, and there’s nothing more personally impersonal than that!


   Gavin Roberston

We are delighted to have a competent and excellent guide into this territory who will be leading a retreat at Dharmagiri from the 16-19 September. Gavin Robertson is currently engaging a Ph.D. exploring the relationship between Vedic concepts of consciousness and Quantum Theory. Gavin, a psychologist, has guided many people (including traumatized youth), through transformational journeys and rites of passage in the wilderness (including the Drakensberg). He brings to his work a profound yoga practice, including experience of facilitation of Yoga Teacher Training in Uganda, Mozambique, and South Africa, and a long interest in integrating Western and Eastern psychology.

In this interview Thanissara (Dharmagiri co-guiding teacher), asks Gavin about his understandings of QT. What unfolds is a fascinating journey into the nature of light and matter, that all possibilities exist simultaneously, the determining factor of attention, shifting consciousness, choice, freeing ourselves from old assumptions and patterings, quantum insight into death, and more! Reality, it seems, is not what we thought!

Gavin will also be co-leading another retreat from Sept 30 to Oct 3 with Chandasara on a closely related subject, which is death and dying. Perhaps if we approach death with the insights offered by QT, and ancient wisdom schools like Buddhism and the Vedas, then our understanding of our lives would positively change. Chandasara will also be exploring very human experiences like grief when dealing with loss.

We look forward to seeing you at Dharmagiri for the leap!

**************   ***************   ***************

In the beginning, there were only probabilities. The universe could only come into existence if someone observed it. It does not matter that the observers turned up several billion years later. The universe exists because we are aware of it. (WHOA WOW!)
Martin Rees

And… try these on for size:

We now know that the moon is demonstrably not there when nobody looks.
N. David Mermin

I can’t accept quantum mechanics because I like to think the moon is there
even if I am not looking at it.
Albert Einstein

let go


Beyond Identity: Exploring Race & Culture in South Africa

What remains with me from this retreat is both a sense of the immensity of the task of bringing about healing and reconciliation in the relationship among races in South Africa, and a sense of respect for the courage and resilience needed in working towards that healing and reconciliation. It seemed apparent to me that we are all in need of restoration of our basic human modesty, dignity, and relatedness out of our respective internalized conditionings of privilege and oppression.

Friends, please take a pause from the busyness of the day to read this. We would like to share with you reflections from our retreat “Beyond Identity, Into Experience: Exploring Race and Culture in South Africa” which took place in June 2016 at Dharmagiri Insight Meditation Centre, KwaZulu Natal. The comments below are from our group, who journeyed together into uncomfortable territory; there we expressed and learnt important things — for ourselves, society, and for our world. Thanks for taking time with us as you read this, we appreciate your open-mindedness and authentic hearts.

beyond identity

Our small retreat community

Retreat leaders, Nolitha Tsengiwe and Chandasara, lay out the context of the retreat: 

nolithaUsing Insight Dialogue and meditation enabled the participants to engage an in-depth inquiry into the impact of growing up through Apartheid South Africa.

What was it like for you growing up in South Africa as Black or White, Coloured or Indian and when did you first experience yourself in terms of this identity? How did you perceive yourself and others of your own race, and how did you perceive people of different races?  How did you feel about your life as a person of your own race?  What did you think about the lives of other people of different races?

Are we ready for this dialogue?  Can we share our perceptions and experiences related to our racial identities on a personal level?  Can we go beneath the political, economic and ideological debates to explore and share the underlying personal experiences?  Can this lead us towards greater understanding and help us to cultivate empathy in our relationships with each other?

These were some of the questions it was hoped that this retreat would address by using Insight Dialogue as a meditative container for this process. Insight Dialogue is an interpersonal meditation practice which helps to bring the meditative qualities of spaciousness, mindfulness and insight into our interactions with other people. Insight Dialogue involves dialogues mostly in pairs and occasionally in groups of three or four.[1]

Each day began and ended with a period of silent meditation as did each Insight Dialogue chandasarasession. Each session had a particular theme or focus for the dialogues during that session and each session closed with a brief group sharing about the experience. The focus of the first session was on bodily experience in the present moment as a way of grounding awareness in the body and as an experiential introduction to the practice of Insight Dialogue. In the second session, the focus for the dialogues was on attitudes, views, beliefs and values that we have learned or become aware of from our families and cultures about other races as well as our own race. In the third session, the dialogue was a reflection on the morning’s practice and dialogues – reflecting on the use of the Insight Dialogue guidelines (see footnote above) and on what had emerged and remained present from the dialogues. The last part of the session involved partners simply being together and breathing together silently and observing this process of non-verbal connectedness.

The fourth session focused firstly, on reflections on what remained with us from the previous evening’s group sharing, and secondly, on our own personal experiences currently as adults in relation to our racial identities and those of other racial identities. In the fifth session the focus was initially on exploring the essence of the impact on us of growing up under Apartheid or its legacy, and closed again with dialogue partners simply being together and breathing together silently and observing this process of non-verbal connectedness.

The focus of the sixth and last Insight Dialogue session was on dreams and visions: having voiced our stories about our experiences and perceptions, how would we want these stories to change – how would we like them to be different now? What possibilities do we see? What could we change or do in our lives or environments that would help to make these aspirations become our reality?

Some comments, themes, and subjects that were raised during the group sharing sessions included:

  • It felt like there was so much to say and not enough time to say it all – as if there is a mass of built up material waiting to find expression.
  • The problem is big – much bigger than SA – it is part of a global system of white western patriarchal capitalism whose values have become the standard by which all else is evaluated, whether consciously or unconsciously.
  • Reflection on which is better – black culture or white culture? What has manifested as racism in South Africa was described as part of the globalization of white western patriarchal capitalism which privileges mostly white wealthy male minority elites. The problem of addressing race in South Africa was seen to be massive considering this wider context. Two metaphors used to describe this process in South Africa were the cappuccino metaphor – a sprinkling of black on top of a thick layer of rich creamy white resting on a large body underneath of plain black coffee; and a big pot of white western capitalism into which blacks are gradually being thrown and stirred up in. This dominant culture was described as seriously damaging the planet, climate, and people. This was contrasted with a description of black culture as being based on ubuntu – a sense of community, relatedness, wholeness, closer to the earth and caring for people.
  • The consideration of which is better seemed also related to a need to assert, affirm and reclaim the positive humanist values in races, cultures, and genders which have been denigrated, dismissed and undermined to counter the enormously damaging effects of internalizing this kind of conditioning.
  • How do we de-condition ourselves from conditioned inferiority and superiority? Partly by expanding our awareness of our own racial conditioning through exposure to each other’s worlds and worldviews, being open to feedback about our behaviour, and being willing to “sit in the fire” of the powerful emotions that such exposure can evoke.
  • What is the role of whites in this process of de-conditioning? It was suggested that instead of “supporting” the black struggle, whites should work on changing whites because that is where the problem is. It is not the role of whites to support the black struggle because that is just stepping into a power position again and thinking whites know what to do and how best to do it.
  • Whites who oppose racism have a strong desire to be seen as “good” whites – not being racist and being helpful and supportive of black initiatives to counter racism. Actually facing and addressing racism in the white community seemed to feel overwhelming – easier to support blacks than to work to change white racist attitudes.
  • The topic of white “collective suicide” was put on the table defined as meaning the death of the mentality that underpins racism.
  • It became apparent that ignorance about each other is vast – brought about through separation and enculturation – we are ignorant about each other and our respective communities. There were some moments of surprise – ‘oh, they are actually just like us’ or ‘I had no idea that there were serious disagreements in the white community about race – I assumed all whites thought the same way’.
  • The theme of the strong tendency to blame, punish, and justify was examined – the pervasiveness of blaming each other and justifying ourselves – and the unhelpfulness of this. When did it start? Whose fault is it? Who is responsible?
  • A sense of futility and disenchantment was expressed with dialogue and trying to change the other, trying to get them to understand. Why are we doing this? Does it get us anywhere? Are we just simply in the end all just tribal?
  • The assertion that all whites are racist whether they want to be or not was discussed. Because racism is a system that is perpetrated against blacks and not whites, blacks by definition cannot be racist – they have not created a system of oppression against whites. Blacks may be and sometimes are racially prejudiced, but they are not racist.
  • Strong frustration was expressed about the argument often heard that since it is already twenty years since the end of Apartheid, it is time for people to stop blaming Apartheid for things that are still wrong as if it is possible to wipe out the effects of 360 years of colonialism followed by Apartheid in only twenty years.
  • Political freedom has had very little effect on alleviating inequality and poverty – how can this be? What about economic freedom? Does Malema have the solution?
  • Corruption – what underlies it – what are the causes? – why don’t we look more at that?
  • The roles of love, hate, anger, perseverance and patience in this process of change. ‘You have to meet hatred with love – it will eventually erode all obstacles away’. ‘I wish I could be like that but I am so tired and disillusioned’.
  • A white sense of uncertain belonging in Africa and of lack of acknowledgement of white victimization.
  • Privilege – layerings and degrees of relative privilege – isn’t it inevitable – what is the alternative – a uniform society of everyone being exactly the same and having exactly the same? In addition to race, other factors such as personality traits, physical characteristics, sexual orientation, gender, language, accent, and many others are also gateways in certain circumstances to privilege.
  • Is education the solution or is this a myth? Does education inevitably open doors to wealth and status? Are wealth and status the goals?
  • Acknowledgement of the toxicity of ignorance, prejudice, harshness, rudeness, dismissiveness that have become entrenched in our society.
  • Differences in the older and younger generations of blacks – the tendency of older generations to keep racial awareness alive in the younger generations who are less conscious of racial identities.
  • The tendency through internalized oppression of blacks to see blacks who are successful as becoming ‘white’ and the inclination to want to hold each other down or back as a means of maintaining ‘black’ unity and identity.
  • Racism and the value of life – the ANC government does not value black lives or black dignity – still they haven’t provided basic necessities like water to many black areas – and this seems not to matter to them. These ANC leaders have internalized oppression and don’t consider black lives to be of any more value than the government before them.
  • Acknowledgement of the demanding role of black women in upholding the whole nation: nurturing black men in their undermined masculinity, being the peacemakers trying to help people to understand each other, historically looking after white children and then suffering later alienation.
  • The absence of black men on the retreat – why aren’t they here? Frustration expressed with black men being messed up – and expressions of empathy with them for having had their masculinity undermined in the past – not being able to fulfil their roles as protectors and providers living with their families – black children growing up without present fathers – boys not having masculine role models – and being subjected to humiliations from whites – not being able to occupy and live out their social roles. The experience of one black man was conveyed to the group – of being brought up with unconditional love which has given him the capacity for patience and living at peace with uncertainty. Thus there was some balance of both criticism and appreciation of black males.

Reflections from facilitators and retreatants:

Nolitha:  My most present feeling post the race dialogue is the feeling of gratitude and hope. I am hopeful and excited about what I observed in this retreat as capacity and willingness to ‘sit in the fire’ , engage from a place of vulnerability and courage, on such a hot and complex topic. Most energizing were emerging insights shared by retreatants that allowed for depth of understanding and expanded views/perspectives on the subject of race and identity. This for me enabled clarity of intention in doing this work. That I do this work to create safety to engage in ways that allow for self awareness for an expanded identity. It’s clear for me that our work is to see our blind spots, these relate largely to blindness to our conditioning. For black people it’s seeing how our internalized oppression keeps us in self-hate and self doubt and for white people it’s the blindness on privilege of whiteness that comes with superiority thinking that seems to say “I have the right view”.   My own experience of the retreat says we need each other as a mirror for growing our self awareness and awareness of the impact we have on each. The mirror becomes a source of insights and healing.

Insight dialogue as a tool enabled a deep quality of listening. Most of the insights seemed to surface with the invitation to share your experience of your speaking and share your experience of listening to the other. What I noticed is that it’s at this point in the Insight Dialogue process that people gain self-awareness, which becomes a doorway for an expanded perspective. This happens in an intimate relational space that Insight Dialogue offers. In speaking about your experience of speaking you see through your blindness or unconsciousness. Often an unsatisfying moment of really “seeing’. The beauty is that nobody has to point out your unconscious bias, you see it yourself.

It was an eye opener for me to hear retreatants noticing the difference in how we show up differently in the intimate space of dyads and how we show up in the bigger circle. My sense is that we are more real and open to being vulnerable in the dyads , whereas in the circle we can show up as being in a role. I know for myself shifting from time to time from the role of facilitator to being a participant allowed for a much richer experience. In the facilitator role I am aware of the responsibility of maintaining safety for all, a desire that all voices get heard. As a participant I can just be me.

I left the retreat with a warm sense of belonging, over just 3 days we created a community.

Chandasara:  What remains with me from this retreat is both a sense of the immensity of the task of bringing about healing and reconciliation in the relationship among races in South Africa, and a sense of respect for the courage and resilience needed in working towards that healing and reconciliation. It seemed apparent to me that we are all in need of restoration of our basic human modesty, dignity, and relatedness out of our respective internalized conditionings of privilege and oppression.

The sense of the immensity of the task of healing and reconciliation came from seeing some of the effects of having been so profoundly separated from each other over such a long period of history – that we have been so insulated from each others’ realities that we don’t really know much about the complexities of each others’ lives or know how to even begin to find each other. The legislated separation under Apartheid was in a sense only the tip of an iceberg: under that surface lies the vast psychological separation from where we view each other across chasms of ignorance filled in by supposition, projection, stereotypes, isolated experiences and perceptions, opinions and ideologies. How to communicate now without triggering rigorous defences against powerful emotions of bitterness and fear is an enormous challenge.

The respect for the courage and resilience needed in working towards healing and reconciliation came through feeling deeply touched by sincere efforts to communicate feelings and perspectives that were difficult to express and to hear, and by the willingness to return to continued interaction after experiencing difficult challenges and painful interactions. I felt very moved by the depth of pain and trauma expressed at times, by admissions of ignorance and changed perspectives about the lives and experiences of the “other”, by some very beautiful, generous and loving expressions of appreciation and magnanimity that were offered into the group, and by some informal demonstrations of mutual affection and bonding despite the pain and alienation of our history. In this I sensed a deep desire for healing and reconciliation and felt the potential for community to develop.

Participating in some of the dialogues in dyads I experienced an expansion of my own awareness of some of the profoundly damaging effects of internalized oppression within families on self-esteem. This left me feeling intense sorrow for the extensive wounding and harm caused by racism. I also experienced discomfort, fear and shame around my own racial conditioning in the awareness that however deeply I don’t want this conditioning, having grown up in this society, traces of it remain, and it is difficult and sometimes excruciating to come face-to-face with it. When one of the participants commented that since it is so difficult for black people to free themselves of the effects of their racial conditioning, it must also be true that it is perhaps just as difficult for white people to free themselves of their own racial conditioning – I felt so grateful for this empathic understanding.

Lerato: As I was preparing for the retreat, I had a lot of reasons for wanting to be there and I decided to go as a blank canvass. I was going to allow myself to be guided whilst also doing what felt good in my soul.

It was an unbelievable experience and answered to my wishes – I had always toyed with the idea of a silent retreat (I talk too much sometimes – hehehe), I wanted to meditate daily, I wanted to hear from other races their true experiences and all of these were actually granted. I also wanted to be facilitated by Nolitha (yea I did).

The methodology was new, frustrating at some points when time was up and we were still deep in discussion. Even with that, the discussions were targeted and I had to learn to say what I needed to say in the allocated time. In my years of doing diversity facilitation I have never learnt as much as I did at this weekend, the authenticity was rich, the stories real, the debates were interesting, the view points enlightening and the sharing of personal stories was heartfelt.

I was challenged by other “Black” stories as sometimes we take these for granted and we forget in true “privilege” mentality that we are individuals and not a collective. I was brought to my knees by the other races in the room. I came out with the knowledge that I need to believe what people say as we also grew up not believing others’ stories believing they were always “comfortable”.

This experience was good for my overall being. The different diet, the physical environment and the setting added to the ambiance that led me to further growth. Both the facilitators were amazing and I would like to thank the managers of Dharmagiri. I am thankful for the scholarships for me and the other participants as without them the interactions would not have been as wealthy. I would like to volunteer at the centre when there is a need. Please let me know so more people can pass through the centre and get the same experience.

I wish this experience for everyone in South Africa.

Jolanna: Experiencing the richness and wisdom that can sprout from the intention to be truly present with kindness and attention, is what made this Insight Dialogue retreat so great.  Experiencing the raw emotions and pain the history and present life in South Africa inflicts is what makes this dialogue so important.  May I continue to learn from this experience, and may this be the start of true change.

BuyiswaThank you very much for the opportunity to join the Retreat. For me it was a good chance to learn a lot of things in my life, to have a good communication with myself and to meet with good caring people.  I am looking forward to joining the Retreat again next year and I would like to say a big thank you to Annika and her husband for giving me the opportunity to be part of the Retreat.

Zak: This retreat took me through the whole gamut of emotions and reflections. I came in comfort, descended into self-doubt, questioned my place and role in the country, experienced realization, doubt, acceptance, peace, determination, doubt, peace, doubt, peace, excitement, doubt, despair, hope, peace, and doubt, all at once some times.

The format of the dialogues, beautifully facilitated, provided the right structure to deal with some very emotional topics in a way that brought out the emotions without allowing them to get overheated to the point of no longer listening to each other. There is no question that I learnt more about race, South Africa, and my own space (not role!) in it during this weekend than I have in the last five years.

As with any deep change, it’s difficult to fully express what I learnt in a few short lines, and particularly since a lot of what I learnt was doubt. I think I understand better my privilege, and my subliminal prejudices, and certainly I better understand the internal prejudices that other people hold, and how all of our differing narratives about social standing in South Africa cause us to maintain the status quo, as unuseful as that may be.

I guess the biggest take-away for me was that, as a white male, I have a role to play in rebalancing South Africa, but that role is not a leadership one, recreating my own position of privilege by another name. Rather, through recognising it and the pure luck of my birth, my role is to support and allow that narrative to change into something I probably won’t be comfortable with, and almost certainly won’t even understand, but which will see South Africa find a space that works for all of her.

Tshepiso: The weekend I spent at Dharmagiri was an emotionally moving and reflective time for me. I was nervous for the dialogue around the difficult topic of culture, race and identity, the nervousness stemmed from my intolerance of ignorance which often comes up whenever race is discussed. I found that the approach that was taken using insight dialogue was an effective method for diffusing the heated reactions that often result when we discuss race. I found myself listening more, breathing and in turn responding and engaging in a more controlled manner.

Oftentimes during the discussion I was angry and as I said to the fellow retreatants I believe that anger is not necessarily a bad thing, in fact I feel that as black South Africans we have every right to be angry. It’s what we do with that anger that determines its benefit to us, this is the aspect I have always grappled with, harnessing and controlling my anger so that it promotes effective dialogue and that’s what I felt Nolitha and Chandasara were so incredible at guiding us (me specifically) on. I am also grateful to my fellow retreatants for being open and honest with their views, it allowed us to all engage honestly with each other and consider various perspectives. The biggest thing I took away from this weekend was the amount of power that lies in silence and the necessity of reflection and meditation in our daily lives. Thank you Dharmagiri.


White man

He pushes me away

He will not hold it

He wants all of this

But none of this

Big, strong, caring, kind

Protects by crushing, hushing, ties that bind

Sister AbeChandasara and Nolitha, I am failing to thank you enough for arranging this Retreat (Beyond  Identity). I learnt a lot about dealing with the challenges of racism during our growing up time. I felt that there was so much mental and Spiritual healing. The way the retreat was done it was so touching and deep. It was a  revelation for me or us!

JennyI had read about the Insight Dialogue on the Dharmagiri website and was immediately drawn to it but also very afraid. After making many excuses to myself about why I could not go, I found myself at Dharmagiri. It felt as if the dialogue started on the drive from the airport with 2 other participants. We had open, caring and interesting conversations which made me excited and less apprehensive. We shared intimate stories from our diverse backgrounds as we drove through the KwaZulu landscape of my childhood.

But my heart was in my mouth during the evening introductory session. I realised that I was very afraid of speaking. I am still trying to understand the depth of my fear but on the surface it was fear of saying something that may offend or that may cause people to judge me. So much of my recent reading and reflection had been around the need for white people to be quiet and to listen.

It soon became easy to let go of the written words and open my ears and heart to the people sitting in front of me. The process of the Insight Dialogue was gentle, inclusive and gave space for everyone to speak, which was part of the grace of the process.

We were a relatively diverse group of South Africans willing to talk about race, which is pretty special in our country right now and probably always has been. It was a place of stories and meeting across generations, races, privileges and locations. The intimacy of one-on-one dialogue, of watching our partners’ eyes and breathing, of deep listening and exploration of self, was both profoundly difficult and a joyful opening. I was carried by stories into new understandings of how others experience living in their skins, identities, families, communities and hearts. I was deeply unsettled by my ignorance, moved into a disrupted place, often battling to breathe and regulate my heart.

One of the suggestions made during the dialogue was that white people should engage in conversations around whiteness with other white people. To engage with that privilege and work out ways of responding to this in South Africa today. It is true and necessary but made me feel exhausted and resistant. I realised how much easier it is to talk with Black friends about whiteness and racism and privilege and that with white friends there is often defensiveness and a form  of guilt which I understand so keenly.

There was in the dialogue a generosity from Black women in the room. I particularly appreciated the young black women who gave me, a middle-aged woman, an insight into their lives and struggles. I was struck by the generosity and wisdom of each participant. We all had moments of being taught and of teaching. There was rage and anger and tiredness but the most precious of all, the personal stories of lived realities of South Africans.

One of the overwhelming feelings I had during and after the insight dialogue process was around guilt – white guilt. It is a multi-faceted, painful, complex and persistent ‘condition’. I want to let go of the guilt that comes with the awareness of being white in South Africa and in the wider world and to say that I have less guilt but that I embody the conditions I have been given in this life. And therein lies my responsibility. And I hope to find and create more opportunities for dialogue, for storytelling, for ritual, for action in order to live with more dignity and compassion. It was a very special time for me. We need so much more of these spaces in our country.

Dan: I described the retreat to one of my friends as ‘intense, challenging and rewarding’. I can’t deny I found it difficult at times. The one-on-one sessions using Insight Dialogue methods were great, even when I was hearing stuff that was disparaging about my own racial group or me personally. I found it useful to hear it, and the method of allowing us to share our beliefs and attitudes with regular pauses, quiet periods and feedback to each other was valuable.  My sense is that it enabled us to say things we wouldn’t normally say to one another, and to discuss the feelings that arise. This is where we need to be going as a nation, hopefully.

The group discussions had a slightly different dynamic: I found them really interesting and I learned a lot, but on the last night I wasn’t so happy with the way the discussion went. I guess I felt it was an affront to the way I saw myself, maybe a misunderstanding. Anyway, I got over it.

The assertion that all whites are racist is not helpful in my opinion.  It may well be true, but it’s not likely to encourage whites to reflect honestly about their attitudes, and to change them. I get the point about why black people can’t be racist (racism as institutionalised discrimination, inherent belief in superiority etc.) I have even argued this point with some of my friends recently, distinguishing between prejudice and racism. White people in SA probably have the capacity to change their attitudes, but are unlikely to do so if they are demonised. White people are scared, maybe a bit angry, resentful – perhaps they don’t deserve to have these feelings after all that has happened, but they do. Attitudes need to change amongst white people, but it has to be handled skilfully – by whom I’m not sure. I am reminded of the joke: how many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but the lightbulb must want to change.

I have a better understanding into how people feel about many things – racism, identity, prejudice, humanity, forgiveness, love. There’s lots of work to be done amongst my lot, that’s for sure.

Thanks to everyone for their participation and warmth.

Keke: This Insight Dialogue experience arrived at a time when my soul was craving some form of nourishment. Working regularly with race dialogues had me spent and feeling exhausted and a little jaded.

The wisdom in the room, the shared experience of love and the desire for the healing of South Africa brought so much hope and a deep felt energy to carry on.

Although solutions or an ultimate solution is still something to work on, a spirit of endurance has been brought to life and that is something I’ve deeply embraced.

I’m so glad I went.


[1] The Insight Dialogue guidelines for both speaking and listening are:


Regular pausing interrupts the momentum of our involvement in what we are saying or listening to so we can be aware of our immediate experience – it invokes mindfulness



Helps bring about ease by releasing the tension we notice through pausing and helps us accept whatever it is we are experiencing



Helps us to extend this ease and acceptance to the external – to what is around us and to what we are in contact with


Trust Emergence

Helps us to allow for the complexity of our ever-changing experience as it arises spontaneously in the moment from underlying causes


Listen Deeply

Here we allow our own internal dialogue and reactivity to die down so that we can be still enough inside to listen deeply


Speak the Truth

Here we commit ourselves to ethical speech, truth, kindness and consideration




The Value of Self-Retreat by Chandasara

From Dharmagiri AGM (annual general meeting), August, 2015

“Since I was a child at school I experienced life as over-organized and machine-like – a kind of treadmill that just kept goingTo Those Gone Before with machine-like regularity leaving little room for just being. I experienced this as a kind of suffocation of my intuitive sensibility and creative and spontaneous exploration that I enjoyed in the brief period before I went to school. I found it quite deadening. Self-retreat offers the opportunity to step out of pressures and demands from outside and this can be an enormous relief of tension that allows for one’s own heart to stir and open up.”

As one of the things that I would like to offer at Dharmagiri is supported self-retreats for individuals, I was asked to talk to you today briefly on the value of self-retreats.

My interest in self-retreats comes from my own experience. In 1997 I did a 6-week self-retreat at the BRC (Buddhist Retreat Centre), under the guidance of Kittisaro and Thanissara. During this retreat I did a lot of writing, recording memories from as early as I could recall. Whenever I came to a particularly painful or difficult memory, I would then use meditation to review the memory and to allow the related feelings to be fully felt and embodied. At times of anger I would punch a pillow or at times ofDarmagiri KwanyinWood sadness I would just cry, allowing the feelings to be felt. In the process of doing this many unresolved areas of my life’s experience came to light and I was then able to find ways of addressing these unresolved areas. For example, as a result of coming to an understanding through meditation of aspects of my relationship with my mother, I was able to talk these through with her and we were able to come to a place of mutual understanding, forgiveness, and love. I experienced this as an enormously healing process. This was just one aspect of the retreat. There were many others. At the end of the self-retreat I felt as if I had been thoroughly cleaned out on the inside and for a while afterwards I experienced everything around me as exquisitely beautiful and sparkling.

Also when I was in the monastery, we used to have two periods of self-retreat during the year. These were similarly times that experienced as immensely deepening, revealing, and replenishing. Having experienced this myself, I would like to offer the same kind of support to others who might wish to similarly review their lives or a particular facet of their lives or who might wish to deepen their insight into the nature of their experience or into spiritual teachings. I am very grateful to Dharmagiri for offering me this opportunity to offer others this kind of support.

In more general terms, I see the value of self-retreats to be in 3 main areas:

1) self-retreat can bring one back to one’s own inner being or bring one back into alignment with one’s own wisdom faculty; 2) self-retreat offers the opportunity to explore one’s own inner realms more fully; and 3) self-retreat offers the opportunity to deepen our spiritual insight.

Since I was a child at school I experienced life as over-organized and machine-like – a kind of treadmill that just kept going with machine-like regularity leaving little room for just being. I experienced this as a kind of suffocation of my intuitive sensibility and creative and spontaneous exploration that I enjoyed in the brief period before I went to school. I found of quiteopen sky deadening. Self-retreat offers the opportunity to step out of pressures and demands from outside and this can be an enormous relief of tension that allows for one’s own heart to stir and open up.

Self-retreat offers the possibility of finding and exercising one’s own inner sense of rhythm and balance without having to comply with externally-determined routines and timetables. As valuable as organized group retreats are, their rhythms don’t always suit everyone. Some people are morning people and find it easy to get up early in the morning but difficult to stay up late at night. Other people are night people and find it easy to stay up late into the night but difficult to get up early in the morning. On self-retreat, one can live according to one’s own natural energy levels and this can be very supportive of experiencing fully whatever it is that one needs to experience.

One can also create one’s own structures for the day – when to walk, when to eat, when to sleep, when to meditate, when to write or paint or draw, when to be in nature and how to commune with nature. One can begin to feel into one’s own natural energies and feel how they begin to flow again and reconnect one’s awareness with one’s own inner being. It is as if one’s compass becomes reset to follow one’s own inner guidance rather than following guidance provided from outside. This helps to develop trust in the wisdom which comes from within and this allows one’s creativity and enthusiasm for the journey of life to re-awaken.

This relaxation, opening, and re-awakening of one’s inner being provides the conditions in which suppressed and un-dealt with feelings and perceptions can rise into consciousness where they can be seen, understood, and integrated. This allows one to see more clearly what needs to be attended to: what one needs to do in one’s relationships, what one’s real values are, the way in which one want to live one’s life, what brings pain and what brings joy.

The way we tend to live our lives – being busy and scattered – tends to fragment us. Self-retreat can be a time of healing, of staircasewhole-making, of defragmentation. This gives a sense of clarity and stability in one’s foundations.

Self-retreat offers us the opportunity to explore our inner realms. We all have our own personal histories which are important as they have shaped the form of our lives – how we perceive and feel about things, and how we respond to things. In self-retreat we can begin to see patterns in this conditioning – the underlying matrices that give rise to these ways of thinking, feeling and responding. We may begin to see that we are acting on particular beliefs about ourselves by which we constellate the reality we perceive around us. This can be very revealing and very liberating as it brings with it the possibility of more flexibility and less rigidity in the way we relate to life.

Self-retreat also offers us the opportunity to explore and deepen our spiritual insight through study of scriptures, listening to talks, reading books, making notes and putting the pieces together, meditation and mindfulness practices, and through developing our intuitive awareness – sensing more deeply into what is present in our experience. This in turn increases our awareness of the connectedness and inter-relatedness of everything. We feel more in tune with everything and can enter into a deep sense of peace and fulfillment.

This experience has enormous power to be life-changing. We may completely reorient the direction of our lives.   This is why I want to offer this experience to others as I have experienced its value in my own life.

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To book your self retreat under the guidance of Chandasara, please contact her directly at: self.retreat.dharmagiri@gmail.com

Chandasara spent her early adult life in political exile in Europe and America where she was recruited into Okhela, an Oliver chandasaraTambo initiative to facilitate and expand white involvement in the ANC. Following this, she worked as a political analyst with the Centre for Policy Studies in Johannesburg for 14 years. During this period she was also involved in an esoteric spiritual school. Wishing to deepen her meditation experience, she undertook a 6-week self-retreat guided by Kittisaro and Thanissara at the BRC in 1998.

Having discovered the revelatory power of sustained and focused meditation, she decided to enter monastic life. She resided at Amaravati and Chithurst Buddhist monasteries from 2002 to 2010. She put down the robes in 2011. Since then she has resided at Emoyeni Retreat Centre in the Magaliesberg during which time she completed an Honours degree in Psychology. She is moving to Dharmagiri in May this year where she intends to offer supported self-retreats for individuals wishing to explore and engage more deeply with particular aspects of their life experience.


Self-Retreat Fee Structure

Up to 13 nights: R390 per night (normal single ensuite charge)
From 14 to 29 nights: R335 per night (15% reduction on the normal single ensuite charge)
Longer than one month (for experienced meditators only): R235 per night (40% reduction on the normal single ensuite charge)

Please note, no one is turned away from Dharmagiri due to financial constraints. See below for possibilities regards an exchange of work for time on self retreat.

Work Retreat Fee Structure

Full work retreat (4 hours of work per day) – no charge – up to one month
Combined self and partial work retreat (2 hours of work per day) – half single ensuite charge (R195 per night)

Dana for the teacher – Please see here regards Dana (free will offering) in support of teachers at Dharmagiri

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(photo credit of solo meditator – open sky wilderness.)

Listening to the Heart @ Dharmagiri – Jennifer Radloff

To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work.” Mary Oliver

It was not until I started listening to my heart and paying attention that my journey to Dharmagiri became possible. Here are some reflections on my journey and experience of a retreat at Dharmagiri, Calming the Mad Mind, Knowing the Luminous Heart: An Insight Meditation Retreat, with the wise and wonderful teachers, Kittisaro and Chandasara.

I read poetry daily. I go to poetry to be opened up, to find a balm, to be reminded that living means times of suffering, that there will always be hope. I read in order to be reminded of my connection to all things and to know that there is always a wide open sky of forgiveness and grace.

Recently, the poetry of Mary Oliver has been my refuge. Her words inspire such intense joy in me and help me direct my heart. I connect with the way she finds herself in nature, her belief in sacred silence, the praise of aloneness in order to connect meaningfully with others and what I read into her words of the non-separation between all living beings. She is my praise poet.

I carry volumes of poetry wherever I go. Hiking in the canyons or in the mountains, when I travel to other countries. I write lines of poetry in my diary which I carry with me all the time. But I forgot my diary and my books of poetry when I travelled to Dharmagiri for a retreat with Kittisaro and Chandasara.

It was a blessing as one of the many huge and beautiful lessons I learnt during the dharma talks was that I should give my full attention to “reading the book of the heart”. (attributed to Ajahn Chah). These words for me were profound.

I had come to the retreat to learn how to calm my loud and busy mind. to find my way back to a steady sitting practice and to respond to a deep and persistent longing to go deeper into the experiences of my heart. I was feeling overwhelmed with the mysteries, the suffering, the gratitude, the confusion, the tenderness, the wide-open joy and the pain of this one human life. I wanted quiet amidst the noise of my work and my world. I felt tired and as if I was not being of much service in my work any more.

I was not reflecting on my life, my heart or my path. I was not listening to myself and barely hearing others. I was meditating erratically. My Mom had passed and her death had stunned me as no other loss had. And yet she had given me the greatest gift. The grief I felt was huge but so was the joy. I was so proud of her life. She is everywhere now. She exists in me, in the sky, the wind, the rain. I wanted to honour this beautiful being by truly seeking to know myself better.

So, I went to the mountain. The symbolism of “going to the mountain” represents a pilgrimage of aspiration of moving towards consciousness, of closeness and contact with celestial bodies. Going to Dharmagiri sitting at the foot of the sacred Mvuleni mountain, in the province of my birth, felt right. I had spent the past few years seeking a place, a practice and teachers to guide me. I slowly found my way to Dharmagiri through friends, through much searching and through reading Kittisaro and Thanissara’s book “Listening to the Heart : A Contemplative Journey to Engaged Buddhism

The retreat was transformative for me. And I hope, over time, for others.

Our mornings started in the quiet pre-dawn when the stars are still visible and sometimes the wild sounds of jackals howling. To chant and bow in the dark of early, cold mornings with a warm fire and candles on the shrine with Kuan Yin’s sacred presence, alone but with an unspoken connection to the sangha, gave me deep comfort. Sitting on my cushion, wrapped in a blanket and in quietness as the sun rose and the mountain of Mvuleni in all her grace, power and steadfastness, became visible, I felt I had come home to myself.

Each day we went deeper into our practice, guided with such gentleness and wisdom. The profound and lived knowledge of both Kittisaro and Chandasara fed us during the dharma talks. We energised our bodies through chi kung and walking meditation. In Noble silence we ate delicious and carefully prepared food with each meal being blessed and each one of us expressing gratitude for the comfort of nourishment and shelter. During the daily question time with our teachers we all gained more insight into ourselves, each other and the practice through the thoughtful questions of the Sangha and the generous and deeply reflective responses from our teachers. Each of us contributed mindful work through washing dishes, cleaning spaces, chopping vegetables, all in silence. The silence was so welcomed as we could all turn inward but still be aware of our connectedness. As my friend who was also on retreat said to me: “I have known you for many years but through this seven days of silence I know you more deeply.” The silence woke me up to so much more and to a communication with self and others which goes beyond anything language can explain.

At night we gathered for chanting, meditation, a dharma talk and the sharing of blessings. The meditation room was full of quiet and of prayer as we let each thought dissolve and sought the silence between the thoughts. We rested together in the silence and the peace.

On our final day we spent time finding flowers, a stone, a branch – something from the environment which we could place on the alter and dedicate to a person, people, a cause – what we chose to honour and bring into the room. We each had time to place our offering and to reflect and to witness others. Nobel silence was suspended for a time as we gathered in small groups each with a few minutes to speak whilst others listened about our experience of the retreat. I love storytelling and listening to stories. So for me, it was an intimate storytelling circle and it reminded me of what Muriel Rukeyser said: “the universe is made of stories, not of atoms.” And from the stories what Rumi said :“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.” From the stories of others, from their experiences and reflections, we learn, we breath in and are one with them and with all of creation. Through listening to others, we find parts of ourselves.

On the last day of the retreat, during the Dharma talk, we were given this from the Dhammapada

There are no footprints in the sky;
You won’t find the sage out there.
There are no eternal conditioned things.
Buddhas never waver.

I hold this in me with gratitude as I work towards an authentic practice and am reminded to take refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha.

Mary Oliver in her poem “The Old poets of China” tells of how because the world is so busy and often we need quiet to re-connect with our hearts, the poets went “so far and high into the mountains, then crept into the pale mist.” Dharmagiri offers us all this place of quiet, this refuge and people of generosity and wisdom. I have such deep gratitude that I was there and that I can return.

And so as Mary Oliver tells in her poem and what Dharmagiri has reminded me:

“Instructions for living a life.
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.”

So I wanted to tell this about my time at Dharmagiri.

Jennifer works as a feminist information activist, connecting people to
information in order tojennifer create their own change in the world. She spends a lot of time in nature, is drawn to nature-based Rites of Passage, enjoys running, poetry, clay, the ocean, life stories & believes that change can happen.

She is relatively new to Buddhist practice but has been meditating on and off for quite a few years. She is the proud Godmother to a tribe of 6 godchildren who are her main teachers. A recent retreat at Dharmagiri had inspired her deeply to regular practice.

Introducing the Moon Magazine

The last few months have been an “off line” period, not necessarily by choice, but by the circumstance of not having easy internet access. It’s something of a relief to have some inner space freed up! So in the spirit of brevity – I’d like to just introduce Moon Magazine, put together by good friend Leslee Goodman. It’s a perfect read for our times! Leslee has featured an excerpt from Kittisaro and my forth coming book “An Intimate World” which I hope you’ll enjoy.


Wishing you peace and well being in our times of transition – the ending of this year into the next – and from some folks perspective – the ending of one great age into a new dawning – Read more about that in the Moon! ThanissaraImage

Dharmagiri Sunset